I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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