she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize