If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize