Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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