how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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