Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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