You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize