I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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