Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he shaved USA in his pubs
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize