I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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