That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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