I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
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It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
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I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize