so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
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Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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