I feel great
I just peed on a car
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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