connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
BRING THE BAGELS
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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