i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize