Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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