cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize