the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
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THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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