I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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