I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
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He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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