Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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