I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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