i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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