so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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