he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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