the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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