I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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