You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
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I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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