Soap is not a condiment
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
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he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
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Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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