This girl is more easily done than said...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize