so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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