just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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