I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
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I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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