I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
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What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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