sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize