Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize