he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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