Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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