Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Fuck appropriateness.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
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At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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