Well apparently he's into motor boating.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
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I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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