i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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