you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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