Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
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it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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