I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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