i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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