the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
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I think a kid would responsible me up
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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