Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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