He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize