So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize